You're Not a Walmart Rollback Sale
Providing social commentary on modern dating
Caution: What I say next may upset you
The trail’s gone cold. It seems like your love life has hit yet another dead-end. You just turned 30 last month. Happy belated birthday. You blew out the candles and didn’t even bother wishing for Prince Charming this year. Just a change. Even if that meant only a slight improvement from your current track record. So, why is this still happening? And, most importantly, why is this still happening to you?
Almost simultaneously, the rise of the digital age has made dating considerably easier and that much more difficult. It has become easier to meet people than ever before because people have voluntarily made themselves tremendously accessible. It has also become much more difficult to find a partner to settle down with than ever before for the same reason. People, particularly millenials, have made themselves so accessible that they’ve almost become disposable. You can swipe left on Tinder to dump someone straight into the proverbial digital waste bin. You can also swipe right on twenty potential matches in a span of less than five minutes, making these hearts just as equally replaceable as the next batch you plan to secure ten minutes from now. The mobile app provides an unadorned reflection of how we’re currently placing value on ourselves and other people.
But, enough about Tinder. How does a woman looking to settle down with a genuine, loving, downright incredible partner navigate this brave new world of dating? Does she just accept that there will be losses (and many of them) and rely on sheer hope that the next match might be a winner? Tally up the times she’s been ghosted and march on with a pretty face and tattered heart feigning an air of indifference? Continue to tell her friends that she’s actually so unbothered it’s as if nothing ever happened, then cry herself to sleep? It seems like a waste of her precious time, energy, and emotional reservoir to entertain those that wouldn’t hesitate to take her very finite resources for granted. And there are a lot of women out there that do simply because they have a lot of love to give. Who are willing to let their well-built walls down just to let someone in.
But, that’s exactly where the problem lies. By putting down your most intimate defenses for just anyone, you drastically devalue your own self-worth. To say that it means you’re selling yourself short is an understatement. It’s like displaying yourself as a 50% off coupon for Shazam! cleaning products instead of the grand prize that you truly are. Our truest selves deserve to spend the majority of their time in only the best company. The beautiful and unique core of who you are is not meant to be understood and felt and enjoyed intimately by just anyone. And that means when you are at your wittiest. Your silliest. Your spiciest. Your most seductive, congenial, pensive, or caring. Even your saddest.
A woman that truly knows her worth doesn’t just invite any stray company into her home or heart for the sake of having it. Knowing your worth means knowing that you are worth more than a sporadic text message or pixelated heart on a recently staged Instagram bikini shot or empty promise or any half-assed effort for that matter. You set the standard for how you should be treated and essentially perpetuate what you tolerate.
And, to be honest? Real men appreciate real. That includes real women and real challenges. They are willing to take on a much more difficult pursuit if that’s what it takes to win your affections. They like the thrill of the chase. You making yourself less available to those that are undeserving of your time and attention makes you more available to those who are. And, as it should be, those who are make up a much smaller percentage of potential suitors. That’s okay. It’s what any vetting process entails.
You may have to wait a little bit longer to find the partner that’s right for you. That would love to give you the time of any of his days. That would love nothing more than taking any available opportunity to just sit on the steps of a front porch and really get to know you. Not just what’s on your resume, in your wallet, or in those form-flattering denim jeans. You might have to exercise a little bit more patience. Be less impulsive. Stop making decisions out of a sense of utter desperation. Because desperate really is never a good look. Desperation also stems from a mindset of scarcity. It screams “I’m not enough, therefore, I have to find someone that makes me feel like I am. I need the validation I can’t seem to offer myself from someone else.”
Focus on yourself, love. On doing the things that light you up or that you’ve wanted to do for quite some time, but absolutely terrify you. On working towards your goals. Opening that business. Getting outside of your comfort zone. On trying something new. And if trying something new means taking that pottery class with your girlfriend that’s been begging you to do so for the last three months, do it. If being immeasurably blissful means dancing in your underwear and oversized vintage A Tribe Called Quest t-shirt by yourself on a Sunday morning, do it! Be slightly selfish with your time. Your attention. Your energy. Your effort. Because what you’re ultimately seeking will find you. So, stop wasting precious energy on worrying your pretty little head over finding “Mr. Right.” Do what you must for yourself and he will find you. For what you radiate, you eventually attract.
And please don’t forget that, from this day forward, there will be no more discounts. No more handouts. Because you’re not a Walmart rollback sale, bitch! You’re a unicorn (or whatever other mythical creature tickles your fancy). You’re an almost unimaginably incredible woman.
